I've done the inner work. Why doesn't it stick?

"I've read the books, done the retreats, had the breakthroughs. A month later I'm back to being me. Why doesn't any of it stick?"

Early on in 'the work,' I would go to a personal development seminar and my whole inner state would rise. By the last day I was at a nine out of ten. I felt like I could take over the world. Then I would come home, and slowly the excitement, the confidence, the memory of that important list of things I was going to do started to fade. Not all the way. Maybe I kept ten percent of the gold nuggets. And a quiet question would form: why isn't this staying with me?

Here's what I couldn't see yet. During those weekends there was a ton of support. A curated environment. New ideas, new experiences, like-minded people everywhere: a space built for growing. Then I came home, and home was the same environment it had always been. The same interactions, the same dynamics, the same influences as before. Naturally, it's easy to slip back in sync with the old ways.

The work we do doesn't stick with us. We have to stick with it.

You wouldn't brush your teeth really well at a 'brush your teeth weekend' and then come home, stop brushing, and ask a month later why the weekend didn't stick. It sounds silly with teeth. We do it with our inner lives all the time.

Somewhere along the line an idea formed that you can do one thing, once, and be resolved. Every ad says it: do this one thing. But look at how life is actually built. Winter, spring, summer, fall. Morning, midday, evening, night. The same holidays every year. Repetition is woven into everything. When the patterns live in your days and weeks, not just in retreats and weekends, that's when the magic happens. That's when it starts to feel like it's sticking. That's when life starts singing your praises.

And who said it didn't stick, anyway? Take that in for a moment: at that time, at that level, what you did worked. It did stick. There's a new level now, and it makes new demands. Last year's software still works on this year's computer. But a whole new update is available, and without it, the old version is unsatisfying. It still runs. It just wasn't made for the speed and the influx of everything arriving in your life now. Last week we said the old version of you doesn't fit. This week the same is true of the former work. Because of that work, you're ready for more. That's what sticking looks like from the other side.

Inner work isn't a task you check off. It's a gift: an opportunity to experience life fresh, new, and dynamic, day to day.

Try this: three moves to curate a growth environment at home

1. Find one thing in your space that feels stagnant or is a negative trigger, and let it go.

2. Text the person who makes you feel uplifted when you think of them. Invite them to coffee.

3. Stand up, move, and breathe. Dance, bounce, march. Move for no reason at all.

Try at least one of these this week.

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Sending love,
Wendy