Who am I now that the old version of me doesn't fit?

"What used to work for me doesn't work anymore."

More than once in my life, I've walked into a space I'd built a life around, and in one quiet moment, realized it was time for change. It happened when I left a clothing store for Wall Street. When I left Wall Street for motherhood. When I left a marriage that was no longer aligned for an aligned life. When I left a house I was living in for a new home.

These life shifts may seem dramatic, but the moments of realization were not. One of those moments came in the board room on Wall Street (that's what they called the floor where the brokers worked). The room was the same room it had been every other morning. But I was standing in it with a new understanding. That came from a stiller, quieter place within. A clear sense that something had shifted, not externally, but in me. And this is the part I want you to hear: I wasn't leaving something because it was bad. I was shifting toward something so much better.

I didn't abandon the old version of myself, I outgrew it, just like a college student outgrows being a high schooler or a CEO outgrows being a manager.

But this is not about me. This is really about you. Who are you, now that the old version of you doesn't fit?

When someone sits across from me carrying this question (whether spoken out loud or not), she believes she IS the former version of herself, and that now she has to somehow 'not be herself.' What's actually happening is different. The felt sense of who she thinks she is, built by a lifetime of conditioning, is so emotionally strong that no good or logical idea is strong enough to counteract it. That's why you can't think your way out of it.

The answer isn't an idea. It's a clearer perception of reality in the present moment. And a felt sense of who you are becoming.

And it's honesty. Realness. Presence. Because if we're being direct, even yesterday's you is the old you. Even the you of an hour ago is the old you.

The only real you is the one who is present, right here, right now.

And from this place, of course the old version doesn't fit. Why would it? You are a living, unfolding, creative being who is never the same version of yourself twice. The universe is ever-expanding, and so are you: a human being whose nature is to change constantly, expand consistently, and flow with life untethered.

That space or gap where the old version doesn't fit and the new version isn't sensed yet: that space is a surrender piece. A consciousness piece. An awareness piece. Most people get it backwards. They think the new self arrives with happiness, joy, and freedom after some external success, by going for the more on the outside. It doesn't. Here's what actually supports a person to move through that gap: the same things that hold a baby in utero. Life energy. Nutrients. Health. Growth. And, this matters: not 'doing.' Not being the doer. Not growing alone; someone holding the space in a very real way. It takes nine months to birth a new life.

You know when the old version doesn't fit, and you know when it's time to let go and move on, because your body tells you. There's more tension, less rest, less joy coming from your actions. The same inner experience bringing the same thing up, over and over. The same issues on replay, refusing to just go away. Those aren't malfunctions. That's the new you, kicking.

Try this: three minutes of 'not doing'

Let's get present. Find a quiet space. Sit in a chair, feet on the floor, hip distance apart. Set a timer for three to five minutes. Spine upright in a way that's formal but relaxed. Hands on your thighs, eyes closed (not while driving, of course!).

Inhale and ride your breath all the way down to just below your navel, and let your attention rest there as you exhale and continue to breathe. As you breathe, be still. Intentionally not doing, just breathing with attention on your belly. Let your breath move your belly in and out, and let each breath move through and around whatever you're experiencing in your body, the way water rides over rocks. So good, keep breathing.

If you want to know who you are now, or birth a new life, you have to have a real sense of who you are.

Try it once this week.

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Sending love,
Wendy