If I've changed, why does this still get to me?

"If I've changed, why does this still get to me? I've done so much work on this, and some days it feels like I haven't done any, like I'm right back where I started."

When I turned thirty, I started feeling anxious while driving, seemingly for no reason.

After it happened a few times, I began looking for it. I started letting someone else drive or avoiding certain places.

I could see where that might lead if I kept making choices around the anxiety. I didn't want to give up the freedom to go where I wanted and do the things I loved.

I made a real decision to change this.

I got help. I let myself feel what was happening instead of trying to wish it away or avoid it. I worked with my breathing and how I responded each time it came up.

Even then, I could still feel anxious. And sometimes I was so frustrated that it kept happening.

Then one day, years later, I was driving and feeling so light. I remembered how much anxiety I used to have, and I realized it was totally gone.

I couldn't tell you exactly when it disappeared. Then it struck me like lightning.

I hadn't noticed because I wasn't looking for it anymore.

My mind wasn't thinking about it. My emotions weren't dreading it. My body wasn't bracing for it. I could simply enjoy driving again.

Some things change without everything changing.

I had begun changing how I responded while the anxiety was still there. Later, the experience itself changed.

Both were real. I could see I was responding differently, and I also wanted to drive without all that going on inside me.

So when you say, "I've changed," it's worth pausing to sense what has actually changed.

You can recognize what has changed and be honest about what hasn't. There may be more to understand about what still gets to you, or another way of working with it that you haven't found yet.

Try this: the whole picture.

Think of something you've been working to change.

Say what's different now: something you handle differently, or something that has gotten easier.

Take a second, then say what still gets to you. Notice whether your body braces or softens as you say it, and where.

And if it stopped getting to you, where would you go? What would you do?

Let yourself see the whole picture.

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Sending love,
Wendy