What could become possible if I let someone do it their way?

"I wish they'd just take care of things without me telling them to."

Short answer: I sat back and let go of the wheel, and it got done. I didn't have to manage it. And once I let them do it, I didn't need it to be a certain way anymore.

I used to talk about wanting help. About not wanting to do it all alone.

I needed to control the whole thing so much that I wouldn't accept any help. I wasn't open to it on a real level. Even if it was right in front of me, I wouldn't have seen it.

I can do it faster. I can do it better myself.

It could be anything. The dishes, the kids, an errand, the work assignment. Then come the reasons. I'd have to teach them how, and that will take longer. They don't know exactly how I want it done. It's easier if I just do it.

That's the voice to hit the pause button on.

Think about that for a minute.

If we had to do all the things our daily lives require, by ourselves, there's no way we'd do it faster. That's simply not real.

So many of us truly want help. And sometimes, without meaning to, we look for it from someone who isn't able to give it. Or we've gotten the people around us used to relying on us.

It's understandable. When you're the one who always does it, because you do it well, everyone else stops stepping in. They may even sense you'd prefer your own way.

It's true, they can't do it better when they don't know exactly what you want.

Because it never gets said.

It gets thought about. It gets complained about. Sometimes it gets raised voices over. But it never gets said simply, calmly and directly.

There's too much emotion on it, too much pressure in it. So none of it gets handed over.

The part of you that wants help and still won't ask? That's the part you have the power to notice. And change.

When I really started letting other people do it their way, there was always, I mean always, something in how they did it that interested me. They did it more simply, or differently.

But what surprised me most was how I felt.

I sat back and let go of the wheel, and it got done. I didn't have to manage it. And once I let them do it, I didn't need it to be a certain way anymore.

It felt great.

The practice

Try this: notice the faster voice.

The next time you hear it, I can do it faster, I can do it better, stop for a moment.

Feel where it is in your body. Your head, your chest, your stomach, your back. It's different for everyone.

You may not be able to pause the feeling. But you can pause to notice it. What's going on, why you're feeling it, and how it's the same habit creating the same results.

Then pick one thing that usually stresses you out, the one you believe only you can do. Ask someone to do it. And let them.

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Sending love,
Wendy

Related letter: What kind of support helps me trust myself more?