How do I put myself first without feeling guilty?

"Everyone gets a piece of me. By the time it's my turn, there's nothing left. And when I do take the time, I feel guilty."

When my daughter was in seventh grade, we found out she had dyslexia. I did what mothers do: I got to the root of it. We traveled out of state for a seven-day intensive correction program, one-on-one, where she learned to reorient her focus and turn off the misperceptions. After that, her grades shot up. I could see the change in her face by the end of that week, and I can still see it in her now.

Being with her through that process, I realized something I didn't say out loud: I had every symptom myself. I grew up in a different time, and mine went undetected. My struggles with reading and writing were never addressed. And it never occurred to me to dig deeper for myself.

Eleven years went by. Then about four years ago it hit me: it didn't matter how old I was, or how good my compensatory strategies had become after a lifetime of building them. Why don't I put MYSELF through the program?

So I did. I found a facilitator and booked my own seven days.

It was awkward and challenging. On the timed test, I read at a fourth-grade level. Untimed, sixth grade. That was a lot to hear at my age. It was also what I needed to hear: I could finally own it and work from where I actually was, instead of from an idea of where I thought I should be.

That week took one hundred percent of my attention. I didn't do a single thing for anyone else.

There was no guilt. The people I love got gifts from it too.

When I told my daughters, the one who teaches fourth grade immediately brought over her favorite books for me. I laughed and cried at the same time. Then I read the whole series and loved it.

And you're receiving something from that week right now: this letter. Every letter I write is touched by what changed in me.

Putting yourself first for growth, real rest, breathing room, or an experience that nourishes you does not take from the people you love. It adds to what you have to give.

A great teacher of mine used to talk about the movie screen and the production behind it. We can spend our lives watching the screen, but nothing can be changed there. It only shows what the production is making. Putting yourself first is walking back to where your movie is actually being made and working there, on the inside. Then your outer life starts showing something different.

Take the time to be well fed and well rested. Open yourself to love and beauty, and let yourself enjoy them. Recognize your own achievements in the moment they happen. That isn't selfish. That's leading by example. It changes what you bring to the people you care for.

Try this: name the thing.

You already know what it is. It has waited for years because everything else keeps going first. Say it out loud to yourself. Then move it forward this week: do the search, make the call, book it.

As you do, notice who you imagine benefiting when it's handled. The list is longer than you.

I'm teaching a free live workshop called Mental Media: why you don't do the thing you said you would. Tuesday, September 8 at 11:00 AM Arizona time. Ninety minutes on Zoom. Your spot is at wendyfalcon.com/mentalmedia

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Sending love,
Wendy